This has been a long journey in this past 10 months, and I want to thank every single person who has read Phoebe’s story. This is a dream that felt like it died when our daughter passed, but God had a plan. At the beginning of this year, I felt strongly the word over our family was: restore. “I am going to restore what was lost in this coming year.” Just this past week has been amazing. I spoke at a Women’s event, received my ministerial license (yes, I am a pastor) and my 35th birthday is today!
We wanted to wait a while until we announced on the blog about being pregnant again. Clearly, if you know me in real life, it’s apparent I’m having a baby. I’ll be 6 months on Monday. This is already a big deal as we lost Phoebe at exactly 5 months. I am humbled, thankful and so grateful for all that God is doing.
I’m sure the range of emotions that I felt initially and still do at times are normal with any woman who has experienced loss. There was a mix of shock/joy, excitement/panic, hopefulness, and fear. These past 6 months have been growing, challenging and joyful that I have ever experienced. This time around we have kept everything including the name and gender close to the heart, but I will let you in one secret- we are having a girl! She is also due in August. Talk about a God who restores!
So far everything is going well and I am very thankful to every nurse, physician, surgeon, and OB that I go to, sometimes weekly. They are taking no chances this time and I’m on different medications, treatments and being monitored for everything possible. I’m basically a pin cushion, with weekly shots, bi-weekly ultrasounds and having a first name basis with nurses I see at the Dr.’s all the time.
I will say this- even the Dr’sdid not have a ‘reason’ why Phoebe passed, neither do I. I know that because of her life, so much has changed in ours and I would not be the same woman, mother or fighter without her. I wouldn’t be the same without any of my children.